I Meant To Send A Card

I Never Know What Gift To Buy My Mom

With my Dad it’s easy. He sends me a list of Amazon links in priority order. Two clicks and everyone is happy.

I think my Mom considers this thoughtless (mostly because it is) and forces me to come up with ideas of my own. That’s a fruitless effort, so instead I let my sister find a gift and we split the cost. Steph said she was game for that plan again this Mother’s Day, but insisted that I should also send a card. That’s a great idea and all, but…

I Hate Looking At Greeting Cards

I don’t have the patience for it. I have very happy memories of time spent with my mother, but nightmares of being dragged along to look at greeting cards. Thirty minutes in the Hallmark Store is what it must feel like to spend an eternity in purgatory.

To skip the monotony, I’ve developed a game called ‘Greeting Card Roulette’. Here’s how it works. Close your eyes and purchase the first card you lay hands on. Hopefully, you’ll at least land in the correct genre. Worst case, it’s not too difficult to spin a bereavement card into a birthday card.

I ended up with this gem, and began filling it out only to realize my handwriting has become illegible and my thoughts too sporadic to not be properly edited with a word processor.

Here’s What I Would Have Written In That Greeting Card

Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

I wanted to let you know how fortunate I am to have a mother as caring and loving as you!

A mother who coached our Destination Imagination team, wrangling a group of seven teenage boys and developing ‘instant challenges’ every week. Who knew you could build so many structures with marshmallows and toothpicks?

A mother who was always willing to proofread (i.e. rewrite) my English essays and didn’t get upset when I got caught forging her signature to go on the Physics field trip to Worlds of Fun.

A mother who is kind to everyone and whose sense of humor I believe I’ve inherited. Alexis calls my puns ‘Sheila Wrobel Jokes’ which I take as the highest form of compliment.

A mother who’s wiling to brave the frigid waters of Lake Michigan for the Big Shoulders swim and thinks a Turkey Trot is the best way to spend a Thanksgiving morning

A mother who picked me up at the bus stop when I tried living without a car and who let me move back home at the age of 26 (rent free!)

A mother who thinks Jello is the perfect dessert for any holiday and believes her children are never to old for Easter baskets and Christmas stockings.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized how lucky I am to have a mother like you. This blog post does not do justice to the gratitude I feel.

I hope you have a fantastic day enjoy whatever gift Steph picked out (it’s from both of us!).

Love,
John